that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
