Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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