Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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