I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
