I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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