we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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