You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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