Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
