He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
