Me. At least after what I've been through.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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