I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
