I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I want to be your penis for a week.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
