I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
