I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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