so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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