3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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