She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
