Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
