I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
