blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
