I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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