i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I still have a little drunk in my system
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
