My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
