Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
