Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
