Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
