yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
