dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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