The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Your dad touched me again.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
