Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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