I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm passing your future prison.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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