mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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