she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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