just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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