im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize