i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
