i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
