you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry about my life...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
