i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
