I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
