Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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