Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize