i jhust puked up my retainher.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
two words: eviction party
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
