My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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