She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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