I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
