I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize