my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
