I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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