i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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