Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it's like iHOP with fire
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
