Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
