WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Fuck appropriateness.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
