A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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