My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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