Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
