i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize