His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
50% drunk capacity currently
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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