I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he thought i was a dude.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
