She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
