Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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