just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
