It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
