I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
