Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
