his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize