I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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