i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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