dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
A+ Viking dick
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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