no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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