My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
