we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
