I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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