what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
