if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
