im gay
i know
yea but for you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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