Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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