is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
