I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You are a genius and a whore.
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