it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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