I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
