i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
