i was born a porn star she said
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize