I think I am morally bankrupt
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
