sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
