his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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