She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize