dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
