Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
