never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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