there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
