we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
