hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
