so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
