even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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